The Good, The Bad and the Down-Right-Ugly

Scenes from St. Augustine -- Graffiti from a window front at St. George Street. I snapped it for the allusion. I'm planning to make a big copy for my classroom as the seniors are beginning 1984.

I am fortunate enough to have a career I love. I can't imagine not teaching, even on the days when I'm tired and frustrated and grumbling aloud about finding something else to do with my degree. Today was one of those weird blends of what I love and hate about what I do for a living.

The bad. Oh, and it was bad. For about six weeks, I've been teaching the concepts of what makes up Post-Modern literature to my American Lit classes. In Georgia, American Lit is the only required English for all high school students and it has a high-stakes test attached to it. The standard relating to literary time periods, their context, etc. is hugely important and shows up on the EOCT and the graduation test. So when I'm teaching those concepts, it's crucial that kids get them. For some reason, this standard is hard for them to master.

So, for six weeks, I've been teaching my heart out. I could see them beginning to get the ideas. I had kids who were coming in for extra help on their Post-Modern paper (part of their culminating activity). I had them write rough drafts and peer critique and all the stuff that usually leads to successful essays. I had 99% of them turn in a paper, on time. I was thrilled.

Then I started grading.

By the tenth paper (about one-third through the kids), I knew we were in trouble. The knowledge was there. Not perfect, but there. The application of knowledge was there -- again, not perfect, but there. But they were failing. I went back to the rubric, checked it against the unit, against the standards. No faultiness in the rubric.

Finally, after I was braindead from grading (and ready to cry because I'd promised these kids that I'd set them up for success and give them what they needed to succeed and they were failing), it occurred to me that the problem lay in the fact that the rubric assessed multiple standards. Yes, they had the literary period context standard. They were missing points on the writing/grammar and the providing-sufficient evidence standards. Lightbulb! I can work with that.

However, that still left me with the task of returning papers with failing grades on them to a group of kids who'd been working really, really hard. And I was going to say, "Hey, you worked hard, but it wasn't good enough. Sorry, better luck next time."? Uh, no. Not in my world.

So they have papers. They were devastated and that was probably the most uncomfortable class period I've ever had. I have no problem laying down a failing grade where the kid has blown off the work or just slacked or whatever. But this killed me, because I felt like the failure (and in some ways I was). We're in that classroom together, and when they don't do well, that means we've not done well.

In the end, we came to an agreement. If the grade was less than an "A," they are required to revise and resubmit. I'm going to do targeted instruction and small group conferencing with them. Then I'll regrade. Hopefully, the results will be . . .

The Good. I *heart* my students. Some days, I want to smack them, but I do adore them (and unfortunately for me, a certain group of fifteen know that a little too well and will attempt shamelessly to turn it to their advantage). Anyway, this afternoon, two juniors came in to see if I'd graded their essays yet (I still had ten or so from one class to go). There were seniors milling around. The conversation went a little like this:

Junior 1, rolling his eyes playfully: I have to go home and read this boring book you're making us read.

Me: Boring? It's Gatsby, only the best American novel ever--

Junior 1: No, that would be To Kill a Mockingbird.

Me: No comparison--

Senior 1: Y'all are reading Gatsby. I love that book.

Senior 2: You have to get to the end, but it's worth it. The movie is pretty good, but it doesn't stand up to the book.

(I'm looking between them, wondering if they're being sarcastic, then picking up my jaw when I realize they're sincere.)

Can you say English teacher's dream?!

Anyway, it's midnight, I'm tired and I still have a ton of stuff to do this week. I'm pondering how I can have the seniors turn my classroom into a representation of the Orwellian society in 1984 . . .

Holding Patterns

Scenes from St. Augustine -- Pretty tame white peacock at the Fountain of Youth. Yes, the displays are a little dated and a tad hokey, but the planetarium is awesome and the grounds (14 acres of them) are beautiful. It's shady and a great place to spend a hot afternoon in the Oldest City.

I know I've been very cryptic lately about being at a crossroads and not knowing where to go. I'm struggling with what I want to do once my masters is finished in June -- do I want to teach at a different school? Do I want to apply for a different position, one that would take me out of the classroom?

I once made a huge, three-year-long career mistake, and I'm terrified of making another one. Sometimes I think I let that fear of change and the fear of making mistakes hold me back from what I'm supposed to do. Then I think that . . . well, I think a lot of things, none of which are making much sense. Lately my head has been this big hamster wheel that goes nowhere. I even started making charts of pros and cons, and still I'm nowhere near being out of the holding pattern (yes, I know -- I'm mixing metaphors everywhere. I told you my brain was on the fritz!). Why, you ask, am I even worrying about this in September? Because if I want to apply at other schools or for other positions, my resume has to go out in January. I'm trying to figure out if my niggling sense of dissatisfaction means I need something different or if . . . I don't know.

See? Nowhere near an answer. I guess I can just get used to this holding pattern for a few more weeks, until my brain decides it wants to work on making decisions.

What are you up to this lovely September Sunday morning?

Total Randomness

Scenes from St. Augustine -- A view at dusk of the cemetary next to the visitor's center.

My cousin is getting married. My sister emailed to say he was sending invitations but didn't want gifts. This might be a good thing, because as said beloved sister pointed out, what does one buy a millionaire?

Do you know how weird it is to contemplate being related to a millionaire?

I'm still working on revising Chris's book. Said revisions are due next week. I'm trying to wrap them up, honest I am.

I've been whining to Joan for the last twenty minutes or so about being at a crossroads of sort and not knowing where to go or what to do. I can empathize with my friend Pam, who was working on her first doctoral paper today, in which she had to explore her personal goals and how they intersect with her educational goals. "Personal goals?" she said. "I don't have any!"

She does, of course. She just didn't see them until we'd talked them out. I'm kind of hoping my current situation is the same -- that the answers or goals are there and that I simply don't see them yet.

Any suggestions for how to puzzle out hazy goals or plans? I'm open to them!

Sunday Check-In

Scenes from St. Augustine -- The Atlantic Ocean, off Vilano Beach

I was going to post football pics, but left my camera in the car and was too lazy to go back for it. Our boys played so well last night. I'm really proud of them. We actually scored! Final score, 16 to 6.

My first paper for Educational Research is turned in. I have edits due tonight, grades due tomorrow. After today, I need to work on new units and revisions for Chris's book (due the end of September).

I haven't been as active on here the past few days, and y'all I'm sorry, but my life has little of interest going on right now. Hearts Awakened is still holding on at number ten on the bestsellers list, which is nice, but I'm pretty sure you're tired of hearing me yak about that. I'm trying to update my website but have a ways to go on that. I'm at a crossroads writing-wise as I try to figure out what project I need to tackle next.

Other than that, I got nothing. What are you up to?

Sunday Morning Stuff

Scenes from St. Augustine -- A view of the Matanzas Bay from atop the Castillo de San Marco.

What's going on this morning . . .

• Mrs. Giggles does not love the Cookie. But that's okay. I've been doing this long enough to get that what works for one reader (or editor or agent) does not work for another. I think I'm going to post the 69 review on my rejection wall in my classroom. My kids would love that idea.
• However, others do love the Cookie. I have have two recommended read reviews, an A+ at the Good, the Bad and the Unread, and I've gotten some really nice reader feedback. And it's still holding the #1 spot at MBAM.
• More laundry.
• I have to choose my topic for my Educational Research class. I'm afraid, very afraid. What if I pick a topic I can't find enough literature on? I don't have to turn my topic in until later in the week. I think I'm going to read ahead in the course material then do some preliminary library searching to make sure there's info out there on whatever I choose to do.
• I need to plan for next week. I have finally figured out the key to accomplishing things with my ninth graders -- group work. They don't do well with straight instruction time, so I'm trying to work as much as possible into a minilesson followed by practice model for them.
• Edits. I have about 65 pages to go on Troy Lee's book. I should get 20 pages or so done today.
• Continue fiddling with the website. I'm trying to clean it up, update and add new content. I am s-l-o-w with the whole web thing. But I'm working on it.

What's up with you this morning?

Sunday Check-In

Scenes from St. Augustine -- One of the many bed and breakfast inns in the historic district. but with those palms and that upstairs balcony, doesn't this look like a great place to stay?

My updated TTD for school:

1) Powerpoints for first day (I dreamed last night I'd forgotten to do this)

2) Compile updated senior project packets

3) Turn in my professional development paperwork for the leadership seminar I'm taking in September

4) Find a room mother

5) Seating charts

6) Write second units for the year to round out the first nine weeks and update my gradebook pages to be printed

7) Write rubrics/test plans for 9th and 11th grades

8) Write journal prompts and create exit slips

Tomorrow night is Open House. Wednesday is the first day of school.

On the writing front, I need to finish my blurb form for Fall Into Me. I'm stuck on the section on comparative titles. I also have not yet started a new book.

I need to update my portfolio for grad school (we're required to do so at the end of each class). The only part I really dislike is writing the rationale statements that we are required to submit.

Today's the Day

Scenes from St. Augustine -- More homes on San Marco facing the bay front. I love the one with wood shakes on the right.

Well, that's it. Summer is basically over. I'm prepared-prepared -- room is ready, units are written, etc. Mentally? Not so much. However, I did finish up everything for EDUC 6672 yesterday (except for inserting items in my portfolio), so I have a break from grad school until early September. That will be nice, as the first few weeks of a new school year are always crazy.

Today I have nothing on my agenda. That's right -- nothing. (Although I'm pretty sure I'll end up doing, well, something).

What's your idea of a do-nothing day?

TBR Piles

Scenes from St. Augustine -- One of the buildings from the historic village living museum. It's on St. George Street and I snapped this during our Ghostly Experience walking tour.

Mary has two hundred books in her TBR* pile.

{clunk}

Two. Hundred.

Wow.

First, I should probably admit I don't even have a TBR pile. Well, Monster #2 has a TBR pile, on the corner of my desk, and it has three books in it. I think the reason I don't possess a TBR pile is that I buy a book and I read it. Then it usually gets passed on to someone else or placed on the bookcase in my classroom (I have a small house -- there's not a lot of room for extra book storage). I have a couple of baskets in my office that hold the professional books I'm currently using or reading, but in the last couple of years, I've found myself buying more and more ebooks, simply because I don't have to find tangible space for them.

So now I'm trying to envision the space two hundred books would take up. That's . . . wow.

Am I the only one without a huge TBR pile? And if you have a big one, where do you keep it all?

-----

*To Be Read

Summer Is Almost Over . . .

Scenes from St. Augustine -- A really great house across from the Tolomato (sp?) cemetery, the night of our Ghostly Experience walking tour. I was drawn to the blue on the shutters and trim.

Oh, I have soooooo much to do before I go back to work next week. I need to . . .

1) Finish writing unit plans.
2) Make calendars for August & September for three classes.
3) Write letters to my homeroom kids.
4) Write parent letter and create postcards to go in said letters.
5) Get my hair cut.
6) Monster haircuts
7) Monster #2 checkup before school
8) Finish setting up my classroom
9) Call out technician to fix my dryer!

I'm probably forgetting some things. Anything interesting on your back-to-school TTD?

Stuff and Nonsense

Scenes from St. Augustine -- More bay front buildings. I love the architecture -- all the second-floor balconies.

I don't really have a lot to talk about. I spent the day viewing two weeks' worth of graduate class videos and discussion posts. I'm working ahead. :-) Then I wrote a new opening unit for my 9th Lit/Comp class.

It looks like I might have a break between this grad course and the next one -- about a month, if I'm right. (If I'm not, that's okay too). The break would be nice, as the first month of school kicks my butt on a yearly basis. I always think I'm all prepared, and then I realize . . . I'm not.

On another note, the house is more organized and relatively clean. I'm hoping that this weekend, we'll be installing the patio doors and that will clear the way for painting in the living room. Oh, joy. I love the freshly painted look. The actual painting, not so much. But we're almost finished! Yay!

And on that note . . . I'm going to bed.

More Pre-Pre-Planning

Scenes from St. Augustine -- This building fronts San Marco and faces the bay. It houses several shops and the A1A Aleworks. I've heard the food there is really good, although that's another restaurant in the area we haven't tried.

I pulled a sample framework from the GPS website for American Lit, but I think I'm going to teach it the way I normally do. The framework I found is chronological with the genres mixed (the traditional way to teach a survey course). It feels spotty to me, though, to hit a novel here, a short story there, etc.

A friend of mine from another high school introduced me to the concept of frontloading a survey course a few years ago. I tried it, liked it, then turned the fiction semester around so we start at the contemporary period and work backward. Last year was the first time I'd done that and it seemed to work well.

So here's my yearlong plan for 11th American Lit:

First semester: Fiction

1) Contemporary (or Post-Modern) period (short stories by Anne Tyler and John Updike)
2) Modernism: The Great Gatsby
3) Realism: The Awakening
4) Naturalism: Crane
5) Romanticism: The Scarlet Letter

Second Semester: Drama, Non-fiction, poetry

1) The Crucible
2) Colonial & Revolutionary period letters, journals, etc.
3) Transcendentalism: Thoreau & Emerson
4) Poetry: all 400 years of it

The second semseter also contains a 12-week personal research project.

I have to start making calendars for August & September soon. And set up my classroom. And . . .

Looking Ahead

Scenes from St. Augustine -- One of the cute houses I like in the historic district. Look, it's Cody, our droll carriage-ride guide! And part of Monster #1's hair -- you'll notice it is uncombed. He drives me insane with that.

Next week is going to be horribly busy for me. I'm working in the house -- not construction, but cleaning and organization. We have too much stuff and everything is in the wrong place. However, we've got to be better organized before school starts, or the Monsters and I will never survive.

I'd hoped the renovation stuff would be complete before school started, but it's not going to happen. We're much closer, but no banana. Maybe by Labor Day or fall break (October). Yeah, that would be good.

Fall Into Me is essentially finished. I have some clean-up, fill-in work to do, but I have until August 6, so I'm good on time. I'm still thinking through what to work on next. I probably won't start anything until after the beginning of August. My brain is tired, and I need to be focused on school prep right now.

Oh, yeah, I have to go work in my classroom next week, too. Where did summer go?!

A Post About Nothing

Images from St. Augustine -- A white peacock from the Fountain of Youth. The attraction itself is a little hokey (although the planetarium is so worth it), but the fourteen acres of grounds are fabulous. I have a whole series of photos of Monster #2 getting up close and personal with this peacock. The fun part was the squirrels. There are coin-operated peanut dispensers near the gift shop. When you turn the crank, the squirrels come running. Tons of squirrels. Like a squirrel pack! And they will eat out of your hand. The Monsters thought that was fabulous.

I got nothing. Absolutely nothing of interest to talk about today. Author copies of His Ordinary Life showed up yesterday, which was kind of neat. The tub is sitting in the bathroom and we only scratched the new flooring a teensy bit (I refuse to stress over that. It's a house, not a showroom. It won't be perfect forever.). I painted the bedroom ceiling and refinished the headboard. Today, I have to paint the bedroom walls.

I was going to talk about the different sides of quitting, but I'm not coherent enough for it to make sense, so we'll save that for another day.

Keeping Track

Scenes from St. Augustine -- I should be able to tell you the name of this house, but I can't. It's on the side street which runs off of San Marco and down between the oldest drug store and the new parking garage. I snapped it because I love the feel of it, with the Spanish-style second floor balcony and the dormers and that painted stucco.

I am within about 2K of finishing Fall Into Me. Now, if I could just sit down and go straight through those scenes. But nooooooo. It's not happening like that. That would be too easy.

Mary (MJ) can't believe I posted a countdown to school. I actually need that ticking clock to keep me focused on what needs to happen in July. That would be . . .

1) Clean out Monster #1's closet.

2) Clean out Monster #2's closet.

3) Get my classroom ready (I always do this before preplanning. Preplanning is for, well, planning.)

4) Clear book closet in mobile unit for Connie. (I am so excited about sharing a unit with her!)

5) Write year, semester and unit plans for Brit Lit, Amer. Lit, 9th Writers Workshop, 9th Lit

6) Make August calendars for above classes.

7) Turn in Fall Into Me to Anne the Editor Goddess.

Then there's the renovation TTD list for this week:

1) Paint bedroom ceiling

2) Repair wall under bedroom window (Monster #2 put his knee through my dry wall trying to look out the window)

3) Paint bedroom walls

4) Paint dresser and headboard

5) Prime bedroom floor

6) Install bedroom flooring

7) Stage furniture.

Do you make TTD lists? Or are you a play-by-ear kinda person?

Yes, I'm Talking About the R Word

Scenes from St. Augustine -- Another shot of the town square. Look how cool and shady it is . . .

Believe it or not, it's been five years this summer since I returned to writing after taking a sabbatical for about a year. Steph has blogged about how she misses the good ol' days of our early blogging, when it was new and fresh and we didn't know who was watching us. Scariest moment of my blogging life? Having an agent show up to comment that I really shouldn't talk about rejections on my blog. They didn't like to see that. Best moment? Having Deidre Knight show up to comment on one of my posts. That was cool.

But the truth is, rejection is hard. It's demoralizing. It's frustrating.

As an admitted control freak, I've learned that one of the hardest facets of being a writer for me is the letting go involved in submitting. However, the letting go is crucial. I can write a great book. I can put it out there. And that's where my control of the situation stops.

In the past five years, my outlook on submitting and rejection has changed. Early on, I took each rejection letter to heart. Doing so chipped away at me. I let it beat me down. However, over time and through some non-writing circumstances, I changed and that, to paraphrase Frost, has made all the difference. The rejections still sting. Sometimes they make me crazy.

But.

My new attitude is this -- I can write a great book. I can submit it when it's requested. And I can let it go. At the time it goes in the mail, I've done everything I can do. At that point, it's a fifty-fifty shot and the outcome depends on the person on the receiving end. She (or he) will either like it or not. If I get a rejection, I can roll with that. That means pick it up, write something new, start all over again.

Recently I was cleaning out the office so we could complete the renovations in that room. In my old desk was the folder full of rejection letters. I considered throwing them out. I ended up carting them to school. Why? They're going on my wall as a montage, with a headline on them that will say something like "you don't lose until you quit." I think. I'm still thinking through that part. If you have suggestions, I'm open!

I Can See the Finish Line!

Scenes from St. Augustine -- Flagler College. Is that a gorgeous building or what?

I'm in the last chapter or so of Fall Into Me! Whoo!

Only endings are the hardest parts of anything for me to write. And once it's finished, that means I'm on page one again . . .

Checkpoints

Scenes from St. Augustine -- The Oldest Drug Store. It has a poltergeist, supposedly the angry spirit of Indian Chief Tolomato (sp?). I know this because we sat in the dark in there one night while we listened to ghost legends. There's a headstone belonging to the chief in the store. Monster #1 knocked on it. I'm like, kid, didn't you see Poltergeist?!

I'm less than 10K from finishing FALL INTO ME (the new title for Troy Lee's book). If I turn it in early, I'm seriously tempted to take a week, maybe two, off from writing. Tempted, but then my brain is thinking . . . you could get a great start on the fall project in two weeks. But I don't want to burn out, either, and I've been writing fast this summer.

I'm officially half way into my graduate degree. I only have five more classes and I will be finished! Well, then there's three years of doctoral work. I think I get a break between this current class and the next one. That would be nice.

What about you? If you write, do you schedule yourself time off or is it all-writing, all-the-time?

Elements of Romance

Scenes from St. Augustine -- I think this is one of the many B&B's in the city. I snapped a lot of architecture and atmosphere photos during ghostly carriage tour. This is one. Wouldn't you love to be sitting on that upper porch, taking in the sea-scented air?

Carol teased me last night with the beginning of her western romance. I say teased, because after reading those first few pages, I am in love and want more. We talked about why I'm in love and a big part is the hero. He's great and he's been lost in unrequited feelings for the heroine for a long time, it appears.

Let me tell you, I love me some good pining.

Here's my list of the elements I love in the romance novels I read (some of these you may never find in a Linda Winfree novel, though):

1) Pining. (See above)

2) Alphas who are alpha, but not above groveling to win the heroine back.

3) Groveling.

4) A Big Mis plot, if it's really well done and I can suspend disbelief.

5) Relationship in jeopardy plots.

6) A strong heroine. I don't like whiny women in real life, why would I want to read about one?

There's more, of course, but that's a start. What are your favorite romance elements?

Monday, Monday

Scenes from St. Augustine -- I love this photo. I took this close to dusk, sitting on the bay front in front of the Castillo while listening to our ghost tour guide.

We made major progress on the office this weekend, and I'm wiped out. This week's plan:

1) Minimum 7K on Troy Lee and Angel (now titled Fall Into Me -- I love that title).
2) Paint the bathroom.
3) Install the wainscot in the bathroom.
4) Clear the master bedroom . . . and paint.
5) Take Monster #1 to tennis lesson.
6) I'm sure there's lots more . . . but my brain doesn't want to work this morning

Here's my updated progress on Fall Into Me:

62,076 / 80,000 (76.0%)

It's going really well. I figure 40 more pages . . . about 2 more weeks . . .

What projects, writing or non-writing, are on your agenda right now?

Wait. Is It Really Almost July?!

Scenes from St. Augustine -- The World Famous Love Tree! In Romancelandia, it would be the lurrrrve tree. It stands in front of the Love Tree Cafe (which contains an antique shop -- be still, my beating heart!) and right next to the Tolomato Cemetery (the haunted one that contains the remains of the exploding bishop. I kid you not -- he exploded, supposedly during his funeral.) Anyway, the Love Tree has a palm tree growing out of an oak. Kiss someone beneath it, you're stuck with them for life. Yes, the DH is doomed.

Wow, where did June go?! Well, yes, I know where the first week went -- you've been looking at photos of it for weeks. Actually, June's been pretty productive. The living room renovations are about 50% complete (I'm waiting on my sliding glass doors). The master bath is coming along nicely (I painted the ceiling and primed the walls yesterday). I've written 26,589 words on Something More in the last fourteen days. I completed one graduate course and started another one. Hearts Awakened is through final line edits.

July is going to be terribly busy. We need to finish the master bath, the master bedroom and my office before we re-tackle the living area and kitchen. (But we are almost finished! I can't wait. I want my life back!) I have to complete SM and give it a good editing before I turn it in. I have print galleys due on Hold On to Me. I'm teaching an online writing class through Wine Country Romance Writers. I need to get ready to write the next book (I'm in the thinking stages). I'll be embroiled in EDUC 6672 and I have to prepare for the coming school year.

But busy is good. Busy is just . . . me. :-)