Oh, Give Me A Break!

No more Lifetime Movie Network for me!

I like LMN for a little break every now and then. But oh, my God, at the TSTL women in those movies.

Today's candidate? Well, she's smart enough to fake her death to get away from her abusive husband (recycled Julia Roberts, anyone?). But, she leaves behind her "How to Change Your Identity" pamphlet so hubby can find it when he packs up her office.

He's a resourceful guy. He tracks her down. Even has himself a fairly decent alibi.

So after the heroine (yeah, maybe) sees ex-hubby on the street and comes home to realize someone has broken the window by her door, she leaves the door open, picks up a knife and walks through the house (Don't know about you -- but I'd be calling the cops). When she gets upstairs, she shrugs, lays the knife aside and gets in the shower! The door is still open downstairs.

I think she deserves that vat of acid the hubby is preparing for her in the old barn.

To make matters worse, she's dating a guy who's awful cute and supportive once she reveals her true identity, but he's no Mensa candidate either. He ends up in the ex's clutches, and when he has the opportunity to warn her on the phone (because hey, a true hero wouldn't mind dying to save her!), he does what the maniacal killer hubby asks him to do. Because, you know, the crazy guy of course is going to let him go if he cooperates.

Oh, and AFTER crazy guy kills her best friend (which the local police rule an accidental death, you know, because obviously she was trying to dust the ceiling fan and fell over the stair railing . . . never mind that half-prepared food in the kitchen. Guess she got a cleaning urge. Let's go get a donut, boys.) . . . Ms. "I-Can-Fake-My-Death-But-Thank-God-Breathing-Doesn't-Require-Thinking" sprints downstairs and throws open the front door . . . without looking to see who's there!

Three guesses who it is . . . and it ain't the pretty boy new love interest.

Somehow, they put their two brain cells together to overcome the maniac and put him in the vat of acid. We get a nice little epilogue scene of the two of them together . . . with cute guy rubbing her very pregnant belly.

Oh. My. God. They reproduced!

And I wasted an hour and a half of my life watching this, unable to look away. I guess TSTL is a contagious disease?

Sorry, Minnie Driver, I Love You . . .

But after catching up (sort of) on the new series (thanks, Amie!), The Riches, I can't stand Driver's character Dahlia (Dahling) aka Cherine. I suspect it's because I can't relate to her and therefore find her less-than-sympathetic.

However, I love George Izzard's Wayne/Doug. Okay, he's lying, thieving slime, but he's lying, thieving slime who loves his wife, his kids, reads, and is seeking something better.

Dahlia? Oh, good Lord. Let's see:

Drug addict.

Whiner.

Selfish.

I can't see her as a good parent, although there's obvious affection between Dahlia and the cross-dressing ten-year-old. I feel like it's me, me, me with her -- she wants to go back to the family of Irish travellers although it's obvious the pond-scum cousin running the show would marry her teenage daughter off to the guy who has to be the worst stereotype of inbreeding Southerners ever. In the pilot episode, when Wayne and the daughter are going to stay in the dead couple's house and Dahlia is walking out . . . part of me was seriously hoping she'd stay gone.

Yes, Wayne's scum, but he's redeemable scum. I haven't seen much capable of redemption in Dahlia yet. I'm going to hang around and watch, see if I can figure out what Wayne sees in Dahling.

So are you watching The Riches? What's your take on the characters?