Thursday, June 28, 2007

Oh, Give Me A Break!

No more Lifetime Movie Network for me!

I like LMN for a little break every now and then. But oh, my God, at the TSTL women in those movies.

Today's candidate? Well, she's smart enough to fake her death to get away from her abusive husband (recycled Julia Roberts, anyone?). But, she leaves behind her "How to Change Your Identity" pamphlet so hubby can find it when he packs up her office.

He's a resourceful guy. He tracks her down. Even has himself a fairly decent alibi.

So after the heroine (yeah, maybe) sees ex-hubby on the street and comes home to realize someone has broken the window by her door, she leaves the door open, picks up a knife and walks through the house (Don't know about you -- but I'd be calling the cops). When she gets upstairs, she shrugs, lays the knife aside and gets in the shower! The door is still open downstairs.

I think she deserves that vat of acid the hubby is preparing for her in the old barn.

To make matters worse, she's dating a guy who's awful cute and supportive once she reveals her true identity, but he's no Mensa candidate either. He ends up in the ex's clutches, and when he has the opportunity to warn her on the phone (because hey, a true hero wouldn't mind dying to save her!), he does what the maniacal killer hubby asks him to do. Because, you know, the crazy guy of course is going to let him go if he cooperates.

Oh, and AFTER crazy guy kills her best friend (which the local police rule an accidental death, you know, because obviously she was trying to dust the ceiling fan and fell over the stair railing . . . never mind that half-prepared food in the kitchen. Guess she got a cleaning urge. Let's go get a donut, boys.) . . . Ms. "I-Can-Fake-My-Death-But-Thank-God-Breathing-Doesn't-Require-Thinking" sprints downstairs and throws open the front door . . . without looking to see who's there!

Three guesses who it is . . . and it ain't the pretty boy new love interest.

Somehow, they put their two brain cells together to overcome the maniac and put him in the vat of acid. We get a nice little epilogue scene of the two of them together . . . with cute guy rubbing her very pregnant belly.

Oh. My. God. They reproduced!

And I wasted an hour and a half of my life watching this, unable to look away. I guess TSTL is a contagious disease?


Elisabeth Naughton said...

ROFLMAO. Now that was a great review. ;)

Almost makes me want to go watch it.

Almost. ;)

Kristi said...

Oh. My. God.

Pepsi just shot out my nose I was laughing so hard!

Do I get the award for the reader in the most pain?

Linda Winfree said...

Oh, Elisabeth, in terms of needing a good laugh, LMN always deliver . . . especially when it doesn't mean to!

LOL, Kristi. Hmmm. Maybe I can work you up a certificate . . .